James Bain

I spent over a decade as a tech executive before I became a therapist — running teams, carrying the pressure, doing the kind of work where showing weakness wasn't really an option. I know that world from the inside. The burnout it produces, the particular loneliness of being the person everyone else leans on, the way "fine" becomes a reflex long before it stops being true.

That career didn't end because I got tired of it. It ended because I got more interested in what was happening under the surface of the people I worked with than in the work itself. So I went back to school, got my MSW from Fordham, and built a practice around the people I understand best — men and teen boys navigating a version of life that doesn't come with a manual. I work with clients individually, and I run a men's group, which does something individual therapy can't: it puts you in a room with other men dealing with the same thing who have stopped pretending otherwise.

Sessions are active and direct. I'm not going to sit across from you and nod for 50 minutes. I'll ask hard questions, push back when you're circling the same loop for the third time, and tell you what I'm noticing while I'm noticing it. I do not think therapy is best when it's an echo chamber. Also, insight is wonderful, and we'll get there. But it's slow and hard, meanwhile you have to actually live in the world and relate to people. The point is that something actually changes in how you're living.

Collaborative doesn't mean passive. I am always person-centered--I bring structure when you need it and get out of the way when you don't. I draw on CBT, Relational Life Therapy, DBT, RO-DBT, and mindfulness-based methods — not by formula, but because different problems call for different tools and I'd rather be useful than ideologically consistent. With some clients the work leans more toward solutions-focused or executive coaching. I take the work seriously. I don't take myself that seriously, and I think therapy is allowed to be a little bit funny.

ADHD and neurodivergence come up constantly in this work, especially with the teens. I'm not interested in coaching anyone toward looking normal — I'd rather help you build something that runs on the brain you actually have. Gay, bi, trans and questioning clients are welcome here, and you won't have to educate me first.

Most of the men I see show up skeptical. That's not a problem — it's usually a good sign. What they have in common is rarely a diagnosis. It's a social circle that quietly shrank, a hard time naming what they actually feel, everyone else's needs stacked ahead of their own, and the sense that they're failing at something called "being a man" that nobody ever bothered to define. We'll pull apart the old ideas about masculinity you inherited and sort out which ones still earn their keep.

I hold an MBA from the University of Chicago Booth School of Business and a BA from New York University. I'm an Associate Therapist (LMSW) at RelateWell Therapy, supervised by the fabulous Susan Kearney, LCSW-S.

If any of this resonates with you, get in touch!

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